we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just forgot I was standing up.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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