You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
