Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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