i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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