i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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