you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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