she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
