I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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