I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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