eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i believe in u and ur pee
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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