Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
