You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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