you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
