My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
