Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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