So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He passed out mid-signature
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
