sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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