so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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