Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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