when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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