Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
