I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
