That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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