The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
