You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
