Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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