Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize