Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You pole danced in your parka.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
