I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i will never coherently bang her
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
