had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize