that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
