sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
