I hope mine doesn't look like that
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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