i barfeds in our rink
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
