I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize