Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize