Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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