the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
