My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
