Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
