Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
