He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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