clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
