I want to stick my p in your. b.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
