His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The ass gains better be worth it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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