I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
