My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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