He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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