we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
