Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i believe in u and ur pee
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
