Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
