I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
