I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
