Define "chronic" masturbator.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
