Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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