New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
