thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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