Im at strip club and am horny
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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