Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
