he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
