I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
