I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize