theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
