hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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