Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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