Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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