Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
