I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
